Home » Fatherhood

Getting peed on…

26 April 2009 8,520 views 4 Comments

fire-hoseYa, I can’t wait to see what the search engines do with this post.  Some dude is going to sit down after his long day at work, Google his favorite fantasy, and wind up here.  Ah well, to each his own, but this post is about my son, you freak so if you’re looking to find what I think you’re looking for (you freak) move along please.


One thing my kid has always been great at is peeing on people.  It all started just after he was born, with him giving every hospital staffer within 4 feet of him a good hosing down.  He got me the first night.  He got Sara shortly thereafter (I was laughing my ass off…she didn’t share my mirth, but she panicked and was trying to stop the pee stream by holding out her hand like one of the Supremes shreiking “STooOOP”!!).  Grandpa Lee? Yup.  Baptized him twice the first week.  Grandma?  She managed to avoid it until Holden was 3 months, but even my wily mom couldn’t outsmart the Bug, and she took a shot straight to the chest as soon as that cool breeze hit him.


My point is that we just couldn’t find a foolproof way to avoid getting peed on 100% of the time.   Sneaky lil Bug would wait until we were lulled into a false sense of security and leave him exposed for just that split second and Fshhhhhh…  Like the viet-cong of pee, sneaking out of the jungle to ambush the Americans.  He was doing it so often it was starting to take the paint off the wall next to the changing table.

These wet, soggy occurences gradually tapered off to the point of not happening, then, as if to remind us not to get too comfortable, he’d let loose with a stream a firefighter would be proud of, and I’d be cleaning off my glasses after getting him into a fresh diaper.  It hasn’t happened in a long time now though.  Almost too long…like he’s planning the MOTHER OF ALL HOSINGS.  Maybe that’s what he’s babbling about in the mornings all alone in his crib.  Maybe he’s asking for guidance from the god of pee…planning the Ragnarok of all pissing contests.

Ah well.  If I can deal with POO-SPLOSIONS, I can deal with getting pissed on when I get careless.  It certainly keeps you on your toes, but I gotta tell you, I’ll forever be glancing at him ocasionally, half expecting to get peed on when I hand him the car keys, or give him his allowance.


  • Sharon Lokey said:

    I have, somehow, managed not to get peed on by the Bug. However, now that I have said that I’ve doomed/cursed/jinxed myself so the next time I change him I will probably get it. Perhaps that was the diabloical thing he was planning.

  • Potty Training Girls said:

    thanks for your sharing. I have simiral experience with you.take a long time to educate my son

  • macy's coupons and discounts coupon code said:

    macy’s coupons and discounts coupon code…

    Fatherhood, potty training, funny, baby, father, son | Colorado Dad…

  • film said:


    Fatherhood, potty training, funny, baby, father, son | Colorado Dad

Leave your response!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

This is a Gravatar-enabled weblog. To get your own globally-recognized-avatar, please register at Gravatar.

Warning: Unknown: open(/home/content/68/4284468/tmp/sess_62uogq4h4f7fmab31oukhvuho1, O_RDWR) failed: No such file or directory (2) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct () in Unknown on line 0