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Kid Safe Tranquilizer Darts…

6 May 2009 65,294 views 8 Comments

blow-dartI’ve posted before on how I sometimes wish my kid was that stationary little dude still.  Life was alot easier then, when I could set him down in one spot, go fix him a bottle, and come back with him pretty much where I left him.  He may have shifted a little, or fallen over, or taken a keen interest in one of his feet, but he was still within shooting distance of where I left him.  

Now, I have to stick him in his excer-saucer.  If I leave him in the living room for longer than three seconds, I have to take all the remote controls, my wireless keyboard, my cell phone, and sometimes the dog and set them on the shelf I have above the couch.  As a side note, you ever notice that when your kid gets a hold of the remote, they never turn the volume down?  Always UP.  Way up.

Anyways, I was talking about this with an old friend, whos child is 8 months older than Little Bug.  She was saying to enjoy the time I have now, ’cause when he starts walking, it’s going to be a whole different ball game.  I countered with the idea of tranquilizer darts.*  Yeah, kid safe, Mom approved tranq darts.

When the kid gets a little outta control, just shoot him in the butt with a dart, wait a few seconds for the drugs to take effect, and BAM.  You could do anything you need to do.  Laundry, dishes…even wipe his little nose without child services being called ’cause your kid is screaming bloody murder.

The gun could be problematic, if it looks like a friggin MP5.  But if it looked kinda innocuous, or maybe like a nerf gun:

 
Nah. On second thought, they look kinda scary too.  It’ would have to look decidedly non-gun like, but the point is to keep it within reach.  

You’d also have to get parents to sign a waiver so that you could tranq thier kids too.

Could you imagine the stories about that playdate?  

“Yeah mommy, we was playin, then Holden’s dad shot me in the leg…then I got sleepy. ”

 

*Disclaimer

The above is fictional, and wholly intented as humor or parody.  I have no intention of tranquilizing either my child, or those of anyone else.  Unless, that is, someone comes up with an FDA approved solution…

8 Comments »

  • Trina said:

    Ok, that turned out even funnier than I thought it would. Thanks, I needed a good laugh! 😀

  • Mr.Brian said:

    The first time I saw this post I only got half way through…thought it was for real. Relieved that it’s not but it’d be practical in so many situations, like ten minutes ago when my little angel freaked out about wearing her new uniqlo shirt for 35 minutes.

  • Colorado Dad (author) said:

    ROFL! Sometimes I wish they could find a way to do it… My little one has this habit of turning off the stereo when I’m not looking…then crawling away from it at full speed with this “you can’t prove it was me” look on his face.

  • Tyler - Building Camelot said:

    Shit – I’d love one of these just to get my oldest to fall asleep. It’s like she could stay up all night and not miss a beat!

  • Michael said:

    I’m so disappointed. I actually thought someone came up with a solution.
    Wonder if there isn’t some natural herb to help them remain calm. Or at least calmer.
    Anyway, good luck to you all. I’ll be praying for myself.

  • fred said:

    sadly that is considered child abuse and you can get in a ton of trouble

  • fred said:

    it would be a shame if i reported it

  • fred said:

    you would go to jail and your son would be sent to dhs

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