Now, I have to stick him in his excer-saucer. If I leave him in the living room for longer than three seconds, I have to take all the remote controls, my wireless keyboard, my cell phone, and sometimes the dog and set them on the shelf I have above the couch. As a side note, you ever notice that when your kid gets a hold of the remote, they never turn the volume down? Always UP. Way up.
Anyways, I was talking about this with an old friend, whos child is 8 months older than Little Bug. She was saying to enjoy the time I have now, ’cause when he starts walking, it’s going to be a whole different ball game. I countered with the idea of tranquilizer darts.* Yeah, kid safe, Mom approved tranq darts.
When the kid gets a little outta control, just shoot him in the butt with a dart, wait a few seconds for the drugs to take effect, and BAM. You could do anything you need to do. Laundry, dishes…even wipe his little nose without child services being called ’cause your kid is screaming bloody murder.
The gun could be problematic, if it looks like a friggin MP5. But if it looked kinda innocuous, or maybe like a nerf gun:
Nah. On second thought, they look kinda scary too. It’ would have to look decidedly non-gun like, but the point is to keep it within reach.
You’d also have to get parents to sign a waiver so that you could tranq thier kids too.
Could you imagine the stories about that playdate?
“Yeah mommy, we was playin, then Holden’s dad shot me in the leg…then I got sleepy. ”
The above is fictional, and wholly intented as humor or parody. I have no intention of tranquilizing either my child, or those of anyone else. Unless, that is, someone comes up with an FDA approved solution…